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When I came out in 2006 I hoped that that everything would go well, and initially things looked good. Overtime I began to realize that I didnt have to go with the flow or pretend to be interested in what the group liked to hide myself, but I didn’t think that asking for a little change would cause so much distress. I think at that point I should have taken some initiative to make new friends with similar interests and ideals. It was silly of me to think that a group of people that were in my understanding slightly homophobic would be open to new things because one person in the group happened to be gay.After almost a year and a half Ive come to realize that I dont belong in the current groups that I particiate in. And I have a different thinking process and different values from most of the people I know. Those differences have prevented me from enjoying life the way i should be. I hate to say it but a lot of you are complete jerks.
To any “friend” of mine reading this and taking offence. Im not speaking about you all, some of you happen to be really nice people. The ones who I’m referring to know who they are. I’m also not saying that in certain cituations Im not partially to blame, but its not selfish of me to want to be the best possible friend I can be to some of you and want you to be the same to me. The problem is, thats not what any of you want out of friendships. Most of you are content with the occasional meet up with people I see as not being your real friends be acquaintances. Thats what works for you, but it doesnt work for me. Realizing that is going to help me learn that I need to get out there and meet new people even if I’m not used to it.
So what am I going to do now? Well Im not going to alienate myself from the people who still like me, but overtime youre going to see me learn not to care about the people who dont give a rats ass about me. It might sound mean but ive gotta look out for myself because no one else will. Ive got to work on my confidence because unconfidence is apparently a turn off. And the people at York, Ill be back this september with aspirations and a positive attitude.
What has happened in the past has been hard to handle and has brought me to tears many times, but I wont let that hold me down anymore. I MUST STAND UP AND BE A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.o lol. Seriously though, Im gonna learn from the mistakes Ive made with school and relationships with friends and family to make the best of everthing.
P.S. Hopefully this post makes sense. Even if it doesn’t, I needed to get all of this out and I’m feeling a lot better than I was a few hours ago. Id also like to say thank you to a few people( two of which I fight with a lot =P) who have been there for me for a while now. always pressuring me to do better, be strong and not give up even when I didn’t want to listen.
John, Varun, and Ryan. You guys rock. 
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